I'm so glad I'm not a man
83I just had a chat with a bunch of girls that started off on the topic of weight loss. When one of them mentioned "most men are pervs", the others immediately agreed. In fact, I found myself the only one to disagree after which I was attacked as a traitor to my sex.
Conversations like this are very common - not just on the web but in every day life too not to mention the media. I only mention this particular one because it was the most recent - a few hours ago. If anything, this was a mild version compared with some I've seen. We're basically living in a kind of glorification of anything feminine. Check out my article on female supremacy for lots more on that topic.
I can't help but wondering how it must be like to go through life with everyone you meet having the first impression that you're a pervert, potential rapist or violent sociopath. Myself I only started wondering from my acquaintance with my dear love who seems to suffer from this more than most guys. Well if I was in such a situation, I would find myself over compensating by being extra nice and kind and to make sure my 'potential victims' don't get too scared. I'd try my absolute best not to show any sign of attraction or even DARE to touch them without a formal contract. I would stay far away from any form of body contact or remarks on a woman's looks.And that was exactly how my boyfriend was behaving when we started dating. Now, I love sensitive men and I like being the initiator so we clicked perfectly. Fortunately, there are a lot of men like that now days and its not surprising. The only problem is, that those men are nearly always rejected by women because they say they want a "real man". Don't ask me why cause I love the unreal men but I'm a freak.
So as a man you're either a pervert or you're a wimp. You can even be both but you're definitely going to be at least one of the two when you leave your home.
All men are useless
The other popular belief is that nobody needs men and that they're useless. It is soooo untrue and shamelessly childish to say or even think that. If this was true, then who's running the farms and power plants, the steal, coal and gold mines? Who built the houses we're sitting in right now? Who invented all of those things that we take for granted every minute of our lives? What about sewers for a really nice example? Still think men are useless with all that in mind? Perhaps you should reconsider. The truth is, and it took me a few years of growing up to admit, that without men, society wouldn't be better. There would be no society in the first place. We'd just live like wild animals - our only aim in life would be naked survival from one minute to the next and with no time for complaining about gender inequality.
Being a man in today's feminist society has got to be a living nightmare compared with what it's like for women. Honestly, most of us women have no idea how much easier it is for us on average (if you have doubts then you should become acquainted with the male suicide rate. Not a nice statistic at all). It's not surprising that men are becoming more feminine (which I like). Don't blame them for it when they're only trying to survive in a world that despises and punishes maleness.
With the increasing influence of women, this will not be feasible much longer. I wrote in my article on the matriarchy, how we will sooner or later not have a choice but to start caring about the male gender. With this more optimistic thought I'll leave the rant for today.
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Thank you Lucy. I'm a 19 year old male and I have felt like that all the time in my life. I'm always wondering if the girl im talking to is afraid of me thinking im a rapist or something. women constantly make me hate myself for being a guy. Saying things like "All men are the same", like my mom has, or "I hate all men", it really makes me want to just kill myself sometimes. I realize there's a lot bad men out there, but we aren't all like that. My girlfriend would agree. Thank~you Lucy =] If we all had the maturity about the opposite sex like you do, I think the world would be a much better place. Both genders are equally great and important.
Thanks 4 the comment Steven. Actually I think there aren't that many bad men around. Just for some reason they get all the attention so it seems like they're everywhere.
As for women who say all men are alike, my come back is all women are alike in the fact they are so negative about everything. As for trying to be extra nice to women so he won't be considered to be a pervert, I have had this action blow up in my face. Women will start thinking what is he up to because he is so nice. There are times I think women deep down wants to be treated like dirt. I for one do not wish to lower myself to this action.
Its so much more sublime if women stick to their feminine beauty which makes the world beautiful!! The other point is that men cant stay without women and viceversa!! It is thus best that we dont get judgemental about supremacy or usefulness of the sexes!!
Its not so much that women want to be treated like dirt its more a control issue. I certainly do not profess to understanding the mind of a woman but I certainly believe they like to get their own way and if they dont then the most common form of defense seems to be that they "Play the victim" I will get shot for this comment but in my 38 yrs of life I have had the whole victim thing thrown up in my face more times than I can count. This is evident when they start to generalize "All Men Are......" and even when a woman is in the wrong she will attack and say "Its because you did ....." its never a womans fault and if it is they can not accept it is their fault so it must be the mans fault in all situations.
And that is exactly how the most insincere of male 2 word replies was born. Its a common answer that many a nagging or unreasonable female partner would have heard.
"Yes Dear"
Yes I know and agree. But it is a problem caused by both men and women. In society we tend to think of things like this:
If a man does something bad, he's evil.
If a woman does something bad, it's because someone drove her to do it - usually a man.
People just can't seem to want to assign the same responsibility to women as they do to men. That ultimately holds women back.
Thanks for your article Lucy83.
Also, I would like to see a good socio-psychological study of pop literature--including movies, videos and TV shows for how female and males are portrayed, their traits and how they treat each other. I suspect we may find some support for your observations there. There are precious few portrayals of healthy male-female/husband-wife relationships. I would rank Bill Cosby as an exception. It seems nearly all others are whiney, dysfunctional, contentious, self-centered, stubborn, etc. I have a hard time watching them. All In The Family was contentious and dysfunctional but at least ended each episode on a fairly level playing field--for the moment.
I think its time men turn over the sewer jobs, vehicle maintenance, heavy construction, roofing, steelwork, sewage treatment, etc. over to women for at least a quarter century and see if that will temper attitudes.
Lucy yet again a very good post. I can agree with you on most of the things you say. I mean walk into the young girls dept and what do you see tshirts for young girls that make fun of there brother's for being boys, or ones that say girls are better than boys. I am an air force vet and I can rember back to when the tail hook scandle went down in the navy. It was not long after that Uncle same came out with a manditory training program done once a year calle EO200 (Equal Opertunity 2000) a fancy term for sexual harrasment. Now mind you that kind of behavior has no biz in the work place, but the thing that got me upset right out the gate as the military did like it always does and made the male to be the aggressor. Long story short I made the female officer that was instructing the class so upset that I almost got an LOR from her (Letter Of Repermand) because she allowed to to speak freely and did not like what I have to say.
"I'm so glad I'm not a man"
I think thou dost protest too much, but I will say this is one area you and I agree on.
@ Saharaheve.
Well isn't that a confidence boost - having your approval.
Actually, when I wrote this I was kind of worked up. That's me when I see injustices affect somebody close to me.
Im so glad im not a guy, loved your article : ) I felt like a legend when I gave birth to my son ..without any pain meds I might add. My husband works at the hospital but was too scared to be there. He will never live it down. Even his friends call him soft now haha. Hes gonna try and be there next time so he gets his mates and relatives to stop calling him names.
Although this is an older post it is still very timely, Lucy. This has been going on for years but I was never all that sensitive to it, until this past year.
It seems that it's acceptable to bash men wherever one may find them. I remember a family function a few years ago, the topic of television shows came up, and I said that I hated how wives are always portrayed as the intelligent partner, while the husband is always portrayed as a bumbling idiot who can't do anything right (think Ray Barone).
Well, this brought uproarious laughter from my aunts, with comments like "that's because it's true," and initiated a flurry of conversation amongst themselves about all the stupid things their husbands do. I couldn't imagine the opposite occurring, with all the men that were present, just going to town mocking their wives. It wouldn't happen.
The worst part about it is that you can't defend yourself. If you stick up for men you get the old "take it like a man" speech from other men, or the women's favorite, "suck it up buttercup." I guess that's the wimp branding you talked about.
The "all men are useless" example is a favorite of female supremacists and proponents of matriarchy. To your examples of the work that men do that makes society livable, they would dismissively reply that someone has to do the grunt work. Slaves are good for something. They're not going to get their pretty little hands dirty. One female supremacist even wrote something similar about male soldiers. She claimed that men are expendable, by design. If danger rears its head, it's the man's job to lay down his life for the more valuable female.
Well yes, men will risk their lives to protect women and children, and the more vulnerable of their fellows. I responded to her saying why not just show some gratitude to the men that do that, instead of talking about them like they're disposable pieces of garbage. She didn't have the courage to publish or respond to my comment.
That's where all of this talk is going. That's the ultimate end of this thinking; when you look down on men with such disdain that you feel it was their life purpose to be sacrificed so that you could exist.
It makes me sick and I've had enough of it. This is about to become a rant of my own, so I'll just end it here.
Thank you for your continued level-headed assessments of gender issues.
Hi Patrick,
it has become pretty bad hasn't it. The problem lies with both men and women I think. Men because they usually won't stand up for their gender and women because they get a selfish confidence boost from bitching about the men in their lives.
I really hope this will improve soon because it's not fun. It has given my boyfriend a lot of trouble and that means I got a piece of it too. And the thought that young boys are growing up in such a hostile society is maddening. Those poor little souls being bombarded with man hating. Sick.
Yes Lucy, I think about my nephews, three of them between the ages of 9 months to 5 years old. It makes me angry when I think of them being indoctrinated. They won't be if I have anything to say about it, but how to go about addressing those issues with children, I don't know.
I'm not so sure men won't stand up for their gender; they just haven't, yet. I believe it is mostly due to the cultural memories of the worst of the oppression of women; most men feel guilty about defending the male gender. They probably feel like they are saying something inappropriate about women. I did at first.
When I started to become aware of the ideological gender war, I thought, "but who could argue against equal rights for women?" Because that's what it felt like I was doing by speaking out against any aspects of feminism, even though that wasn't and isn't what I'm doing. I went from being a long-time feminist supporter, because I assumed that it was about respect and human dignity for women, to realizing the modern version is very anti-male.
It's a politically correct minefield to navigate. You have to stand up for equality, for BOTH genders, without sounding like a misogynist. One also has to be careful to not actually align with misogynists who use this as an excuse to attack women. Often the types of men that do speak up are not the best representatives for males.
So, I believe it will get worse before men realize it's OK to stand up for themselves, and that it doesn't necessarily make them anti-woman.
I can assure you Lucy that you're right in your assertions. Being male is to live half a life. Ordinary everyday social interactions, clothing choice and freedom of expression are either off limits to males or confined withing rigorously narrow and confined social boundries. You'd have to exprience life in a male body to understand what an unpleasant and quietly desperate experience it is for many. Masculinity is largely an entirely artificial construct which seems to have evolved to eradicate any individualism in males. When was the last time you saw a guy in a pin stripe kilt on his way to the office ? Can it really be that half the population reject the freedom to dress their bodies as they see fit - or is the the subtle yet powerful T's & C's of being male which prescribe what a male may or may not do without risking societally endorsed ridicule and humiliation / violence. Wearing a kilt's an interesting experience if you're interested in the reaction of others. Many males feel obliged to comment or ridicule fellow male who's kilted - I know from experience that this generally is a manifestation of jealousy or resentment that a fellow male has had the temerity to 'break the rules' and escape the prescribed role imposed on males from birth onwards. I've got no desire to be female. Makeup and elaborate hairdos baffle me - but it would be nice to be able to live, dress and communicate with my fellow humans free of the perverse and unwaveringly rigid boundries imposed on those with male physiology. Women may adopt a 'dual gender' role in today's society - and have practically unlimited freedom of self expression. If you're male - you claim anything other than your prescribed role limits at your peril.
Henry David Thoreau observed that most men lead lives of quiet deperation. I can't speak for all males - but I assure ou he wasn't wide of the mark.
Patrick, everything you said in your last comment I completely agree with. The only thing I might add (for the sake of being complete), is that it's also hard to tell separate the extremists on the side of feminism from those who stand for equality. So really we have much the same problem from whichever angle you approach it.
The only thing is, that the male angle has hardly been used at all in the gender discussion. Even if only for the sake of balance, we should.
@ M.F.
thanks to you too. Much of what you write is what I've seen in men who have become "aware" of their gender or at least started to talk about it openly.
I'll have to Google Henry David Thoreau.
"Being a man in today's feminist society has got to be a living nightmare compared with what it's like for women."
I wouldn't say it's a living nightmare. I'd say it's challenging. When I hear such comments as "all men are pervs" (or anything else negative that can be said against all men), it motivates me to show that I'm not like and this, and thus prove that certain men are different.
I'd never blame a woman for saying something like this no matter how extreme she is. Because somehow it's our (men's) fault if certain woman now hate every man. Someone who've had bad experiences with every man she met might start to think that they are all the same, I can understand that. I believe women are still the biggest victims of today's sick culture, it's no surprise that they're feeling revolted and acting accordingly.
Anyways, good article, thanks for writing this :)
First of all, when I wrote this article I was p***ed off and so I went a little over the top. Still, I believe the basic message.
I sense some problems with your comment though.
"When I hear such comments as "all men are pervs" ..., it motivates me to show that I'm not like and this, and thus prove that certain men are different."
It is not your job to prove anything about half the population to the other half of the population and if you try, you will fail. If people are so sexist that they judge you by your gender, then that's their problem. Perhaps you shouldn't let them make it yours.
"Because somehow it's our (men's) fault if certain woman now hate every man. "
How is it your fault? What exactly have you personally done to that certain woman? And why do you speak for all men and cast blame and guilt on so many people you've never even met. If anyone hates people for no other reason than their gender, then that's their own fault alone. They've got to learn to think in other terms and treat people like individuals. In other words, they have to grow the hell up.
"If people are so sexist that they judge you by your gender, then that's their problem."
This is true but don't you think they need to realize that doing this is not right?
"How is it your fault? What exactly have you personally done to that certain woman? And why do you speak for all men and cast blame and guilt on so many people you've never even met. If anyone hates people for no other reason than their gender, then that's their own fault alone."
I think I didn't express myself correctly, this is not exactly what I meant.
I don't believe anyone would start hating people for their gender for no reason. I'm not saying there are good reasons to hate people, what I mean is that such individuals feel like this because of their past experiences.
And I'm not blaming men as individuals, but rather certain types of behaviors. Because it's clear to me that there's something very wrong in the way most men I met treat women.
Thank you for replying :)
In the work place it is a very difficult double standard. We live in a society where roles are becoming difficult from one place from another. Be a highly productive woman in the work place and take that home for instance. Men are not trying to be discriminating at times but our often lost in what role they are expected to play and even worst, circumstances often change the role. The result is that people are becoming less compatible and finding less in common and men feel that the risk is to much of a chance to take and we simply fill no role.
Hi SanXuary,
I think you were trying to make an intelligent point there.
Lucy, I owe you a big apology. I am already one of your followers. I offer no excuse for my ignorance. I might say in my defense that today, I have been sick with a sinus cold plus the Accelerated Fibromyalgia and Neurothopy to deal with, well, the line in THIS hub, all men are useless....Lucy, I feel useless now. Sorry for the error but I DO ENJOY your hubs. Kenneth
Um, making men feel useless wasn't quite my intention with this hub. Sorry you're battling with all those health problems.
Dear Lucy83, I know. And you DID NOT. "I" feel useless many times in my personal life. YOU are innocent. But I am glad that I am your follower and fan. You are an amazing person. And writing talent. Sincerely, Kenneth
Women don't need men! I'm being told this by women more often. Not sure what to think of it, or why I have to be told that. I didn't ask, I'm guessing TV shows are telling women what to say. Or?
Most men are Pervs! Yes this is true. But, on the other hand, I've had six female close friends in my life, long term friends. All of them have had more sex parteners than I, and one is so much a perv. I've spent a three day weekend with here and met all four of her bed buddies she had that weekend. I don't care who sleeps with who, pointing to a gender and making a blanket statement is not always true. Having two years of phsycology classes that delt with male and female sex, it seems we are equal.
Hi John,
when women say they don't need men they are nearly always just comforting themselves or each other. It has absolutely nothing to do with truth or fairness.
"Most men are Pervs! Yes this is true. "
That depends on what you consider to be a "perv". I sure as hell can't see women as any less pervy than men - especially since I'm not exactly vanilla myself.
11/04/2011...DEAR LUCY...sorry to take so long, but THANK YOU, SINCERELY, for the nice comment to ME on ths hub. I shall remember it for a VERY LONG time. And I admire you and your talent as well. Kenneth
Hi Lucy, I just read this yesterday; sorry I didnt have time to comment as I was celebrating my granddad's birthday! Thank you so much for realizing that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I know that women don't have it easy either, as they have expectations to fulfill (e.g. being a good wife, being a perfect mother, and keeping up apperances), but it doesn't make the issues men face any less valid. I notice that when women take up certain "masculine" pursuits, e.g. Crossfit, Thai Boxing, gymnastics, engineering, etc, it is applauded by society. She is seen as being independent and strong. However, if a man were to take up traditionally "feminine" pursuits, e.g. Cross dressing, make up, nail painting, etc, he is seen as "debasing" himself. At best, those who criticize male femininity will question why he would want to degrade himself to such a state that the first-wave feminists have fought so hard to eradicate. At worst, he is labelled "not a real man", or "gay". I once asked a female friend of mine her opinion of crossdressers, and she told me bluntly, "Well if a man is wearing women's clothing, then he's automatically unattractive to me. I love real men." Which begs the question: What exactly makes a "real man"? Does a "real man" mean sticking to a traditionally rigid set of gender roles, just as "real women" stuck to their traditionally rigid set of gender roles in the 40s? (e.g. No trousers, no tank tops, no working out, No joining the corporate world) My hypothesis is that society is reluctant to permit men to explore the world of femininity because it would mean that they might be less obliged towards chivalry (yea i read your article on that one as well) and breadwinning, which would mean that it would be more difficult for women to find a man to take care of her in the financial sense. As I've said, men don't really have it easier. In Malaysian culture (I'm malaysian), many women leave the workforce after they get married because it is socially expected that men make the dough, while women spend it. I know of men who work from morning to night, while their wives spend the day shopping, catching up with friends, doing facials, etc. We typically hire maids to take care of the children, so that is not the reason why these women don't work. It is simply because while it is seen as a man's responsibility to earn money, it is seen as his wifes responsibility to look pretty and be a wife he can show off to his mates. Feminists may say it is debasing to womanhood, but they should also consider how debasing it is for the man. While she is an object; an ornament to decorate the house with, he is simply a moneybag who is expected to provide. Is it any wonder why Malaysian men age so much faster than their wives? They have a lot more stress on their minds!
p.s.: This is not to say all Malaysian women are leeches, but a great many of them are, and I do know many admirable, independent Malaysian women e.g. my mom!
hi if i could change my gender i would have years ago but at that time in the 60s you never heard of such a thing im happly married yes have a good life but struggle every day with being a man ask me if i could have changed back then when iwas 15 yes i would have in an instant girls always have it made just look at the fashions and the media if your female your lucky as finding a trillion dollars
Gavin 2 years ago
Actually, you assertion that without men we'd be like "wild animals" is completely false. There is good archeological evidence which shows that women were the inventors or agriculture, alphabets, and even mathematics. On a different note, we absolutely do not live in a "feminist world" right now. Maybe among your feminist girlfriends this seems possible - but in the "real" political and capitalistic world we all live and work and die in, society is still utterly dominated by men, with very few exceptions. I'm a feminist transmale, and even I can see this. It's not fair, but it's the way things are - at least for now.