Top 5 Myths about Feminine Men
84The title says it all so here we go:
1) Feminine Men are Gay
This is the biggest myth of them all and it couldn’t be more false. Being feminine says nothing about whether someone prefers girls or boys. It’s simply a way of seeing ONESELF and not about what one sees or wants to see in others. If that isn’t enough, then take a look at your average gay bar or website and see how many feminine men you find there. Yep. Feminine men are far more rare in the gay community than in everyday life. We know that masculine lesbians are fairly common but gay and lesbian are not the diametric opposites that people often think. Maybe that’s why people keep buying this myth.
2) Feminine Men are Weak
Imagine someone saying “women are weak”. They’d never get away with it and rightfully so. Just because women are physically less strong than men, doesn’t mean they are weaker as people and the same is true for feminine men. And that is assuming that feminine men are indeed physically weaker but that is not necessarily the case. So if you’re calling feminine men weak, then you’re calling women even weaker. Try to remember that.
3) Feminine Men are Selfish
I’ve heard women say this one a lot. How in the world can anyone draw that conclusion and ask to be taken seriously? Let’s take it apart: Emphasizing that feminine men are selfish compared with other men, implies that selfishness is inherent in femininity. So where does that leave women? After all, women are still more feminine on average even when compared with girly boys. You can’t make this assertion without also judging women even more harshly.
I think the reason why women may think this is down to them being used to and expecting men to play their classic provider role and jump through hoops for women just for being female. Young women in particular, are used to men going to extensive trouble for them and accept it as a normal way of interaction between the genders. When a man comes along who won’t perform all those tricks just because of gender expectations, they will get the false impression that this man is being selfish, even if he’s not. When you’re used to getting special treatment all your life (and the majority of women are) then getting equal treatment feels very unfair.
4) Feminine Men make bad Boyfriends or Husbands
This one’s a whopper. If anything makes a good long term partner then it’s someone who levels with you and treats you as a peer. And this is a feature that seems inherent in feminine men. Yes, I know, the exciting erotic rush often comes from the raw nature of male meets female as opposites. But such a rush doesn’t do much for long term stability. Besides, having common interests is one of the best pointers for a good relationship. I’m sure I’m not the only one who shudders when imagining the old fashioned cliché relationship of the rugged-football-watching-beer-belly and the gossiping-beauty-salon-squatting-housewife.
5) Masculine Men are better Protectors
That’s more of a wild guess I think and has no meaning really. Does anyone really think that being masculine means you’re somehow bullet proof? Or that a masculine man will keep you from a car accident or from getting cancer or any of the other big risks that we have in our day to day lives? In fact, I personally feel safer in the presence of feminine men. Besides, in modern times, the best kind of protection a man can offer is financial security and today’s women are often financially independent and do not need that from a man. So why not lift that burden from men and learn to love them for other qualities?
Final Thoughts
Women have
greatly expanded their horizon of existence in the last two generations. Why is
it that we seem to not want men to do the same? Society seems terrified by men
who go beyond their classical gender role of provider and protector. All the
more reason for you guys to explore this new life that’s available to you. Also
check out my article on ways to become feminine or feminization. After all, doing what everyone expects of you isn't exactly interesting.
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Lucy, you speak such sense with great insight, sensitivity and understanding. Hopefully others will learn from your example in order that we might all enjoy a fairer and more peaceful world. Very best wishes..Selena
Thanks Selena.
Nice to read such enthusiastic praise.
Dear Lucy, this is so uplifting for me as a feminine man...words can't tell. Thank you so much for the encoureagement! To wear 'womens clothing', it got me somewhere where I could be, well, myself. And I know I am very blessed that my girlfriend appreciates that too. She actually was the one who always stated that she'd love to see a man in a skirt and high heels, so one day I did...what I always liked to do...:-) And to see that I'm still a man and to be able to do this makes my life just plain wonderful. Yes indeed I feel now it's time for us men just to let go...and to encourage other men to do so as well. And then it truly will become a fairer and more peaceful world (as Sissy Selena said).
PeaceLove2012 to you
Schnaubler
Great article. Although i don't really apply myself to sterotypes i am metrosexual and fem. And when in my band/onstage somewhere between the guy on the picture, lexxi foxxx and Richie Nickel. And i must admit i love it, the stereotype man. Just doesn't work for me i tried once as a bet with someone i know and got told i failed badly after 2 hours. But once again great article and its nice to see an article from someone appreciating men who aren't stereotypical.
Another great article from Lucy83, one of those the internet needs for information and education of people regarding their sexuality. I personally although I am masculine in my regular life I admit that I would like to meet a partner who will feminize me and in a way "emasculate me" I believe that this kind of gender-blender can have a profound effect in a relationship especially a Female-led Relationship and can be very altering. Both sides the femininized man and the woman who tyransforms the man into a femme-male can discover some very new areas of their personalities and experience a completely different and unconventional love connection based not on gender.I would encourage Lucy83 to write more articles for this erotic phenomenon.
Best regards.
Hi Dionn,
thanks for the feedback - that is what encourages me to keep writing. I know, lately I've not been very active in writing but I will get back to it when I have more time.
Hi Dionn,
thanks for the feedback - that is what encourages me to keep writing. I know, lately I've not been very active in writing but I will get back to it when I have more time.
Lucy,
You do a great job!! I wished more women would adopt your fine attitude.
Thanks Sissychuck,
nice to have some support.
I truly agree with you in every part on this. I am female, yet i manage to take it personal when people utter these crazy lies about feminine men. i personally really want a partner who is more feminine. it would make me feel more secure and I wouldnt feel as if i were the only thoughtful sensitive one. thank you for this article :)
Thanks Ingrid,
yep, feminine men are the best lovers by far.
I admit, I never heard none of thise myth ever (beside them bein either gay or bi sexual, but thats the only one) otherwise no.
About the myth the same can be said on masculine women? bein gay and such?
ciao
Yes I suppose so but masculine women have a number of other myths to battle with. For example people will often think an assertive woman is harsh and aggressive where a man with the same behavior would be seen in a much more positive light. I've had that experience repeatedly and it has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion. But it's nothing compared with the problems that feminine men will encounter.
excuse me lucy83 i have a problem im dealing with im a young male and i feel so incecure about my gender i sometimes wish i was a women be case i don,t feel like im good enough person i know most guys love the way they are but not me i and i sometimes want to be beautful but i have trobule being who i am what do i do.
Hi omari,
if all you want is to be beautiful sometimes, then there's nothing wrong with you at all. You're just suffering from the strict gender role that society places on men. How old are you? Maybe it's just your age. Most people are insecure about themselves in their youth. Not everything that feels like a problem is a problem.
I Love Lucy! Sounds like the title of a TV show. Nah, it'd probably never work.
I really got inspired by this! I am a 17 year old male model. I have "masculine" guy friends. And they are all alright with my preferences. They don't judge me at all. I am very aggressive though, but i am a big softie even if i don't show (which is almost all the time). I don't mind homosexuality, but i don't like men thinking they are or should be women. I hate that just cause you are different don't mean that you have to take on that title. It makes me feel like we are loosing a never ending battle. Thank you though for you inspiration.
"We know that masculine lesbians are fairly common..." Wow, nice way to put in a really annoying stereotype in an otherwise good article. I hear this all the time: "wow, I never would have thought you would be a lesbian, you don't LOOK like it all..." As if my outward appearance defines my sexuality. You have it exactly right on the male sie of things, but your comment, while seemingly innocuous, is actually really frustrating and something I wish people would stop doing. Disappointing.
sissyballs 2 years ago
I am a husband, father and war vet. I can be strong when I must be, but I am a woman inside with the strength of a woman. Older people have the most problem with feminine men. Younger women are the most understanding and treat me as one of thier girl friends. Thank you for the great hubs Lucy.