Women Who like Feminine Men
79Before starting I should make clear that I'm talking about straight guys who are feminine or effeminate or the more classy sounding word is androgynous. I know that many people associate this with gay men but that is very often wrong.
What do I mean by feminine men? Well, this is best left to each of you to decide for yourselves. It might refer to how they dress and how they carry themselves. For example if they wear feminine clothes or even womens clothes like a cross-dresser. Or it might just be a description of their behavior, such as if they are on the passive side and not afraid to be vulnerable. Then of course, it's down to how much femininity is in them. Are they so feminine that you could mistake them for a woman or are they just a hint girly? All these variations and nuances make a simple 'straight' answer kind of impossible to find.
The Phenomenon of Women liking Feminine Men
In recent years there have been some studies revealing that women prefer feminine men as long term partners. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a mass phenomenon by any means. Just a noticeable push - kind of like the increasing number of long distance relationships.
The reasons are quite obvious: In a time of peace and relative safety there is little need for a strong and protective man in your life. He can't protect you from the common dangers of modern life (accidents and illnesses mostly) and, statistically, men are in fact more affected by those dangers than women. Logic would dictate that women should start taking on more of a protective role and I believe we're seeing some of that happen right now but that's another topic.
The other reason is not so obvious: Intimacy and emotional connection. Those things are what a long term relationship is made of and they're hard to achieve with the old-fashioned rugged type.
What about Evolution?
People say we're genetically programmed to go for masculine men. If anything, we're programmed to go for partners that are most likely to produce successful children with us. In the past that may have been masculine men, but today it is not. So many people say now that it's still in our genes and won't go away anytime soon even if society has changed. The problem with that is that it's mostly just a guess. Just because women are often attracted to masculine men doesn't mean it's a genetic trait. It could, and probably is, mostly social.
Let me give you an example: Money. Today the best protection and guarantee for health and safety is having a stable source of money. This has not always been the case. But it has been like this for many centuries or even a few millennia. However that isn't long enough to significantly change our genetic make up. Yet, money is one of the key factors in women's attraction to men. Please note that I'm talking about broad statistics here and not you and me individually.
But, in the old days, there wasn't enough food and too much danger from rivals for money to be the reliable safety net that it is today. The saying "money can buy everything" is mostly true today but it wasn't in ancient history. If you weren't strong and powerful, then whatever money or valuables you had were most likely just taken away from you by those who are strong.
But women learned to 'switch' from seeking physically strong men to financially strong men very quickly from an evolutionary perspective. Too quick if you ask me. Our genes couldn't have changed so quickly to adapt to such a drastic change. So, for this reason I believe that attraction is mostly given by the circumstances we grow up in. Whatever teaches us at a young age that men should be, that makes up what we look for when we reach fertility.
That is not to say our genes have no influence. Of course they do and that explains why physically strong men are still the fantasy of many women. But they aren't as significant as the circumstantially learned attraction.
What about Me?
I make no secret of the fact that I like feminine men. As I wrote before, I even love them to wear women's clothes once in a while. But I also like masculinity. Though it is a strictly physical attraction. I love muscles. I just love them. Not the big bulky ones but the athletic type seriously get my heart pounding. Actually I love everything about the male body - the only exception being body hair and facial hair. A little on the arms and legs is fine but if it gets too much I get turned off.
I also love feminine traits in a guy's behavior. I love to see some vulnerability and in this sense I also like to see the physically delicate type. I know that contradicts how I like muscles but that's just the way I am. That physically delicate and vulnerable type of man gives me a sort of protective instinct. I just want to hold him tight and keep him safe from the big bad world. I never decided to be that way, it's just what comes up in response to what I see around me.
Dating Feminine Men
We've all heard these rules about dating and how you should behave, not to come on too strong, not to seem desperate or anything like that. All this is different with feminine men. I'm not saying that it's the other way around and that you should behave like a man who's looking for a woman. I'm just saying that there are no rules anymore. In some cases you need to approach him and in others you don't. I know that isn't much help but if it's any consolation, they don't know what rules to play by either. You're just going to have to feel your way into every new person you meet and see what makes them tick.
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Dear Lucy83,
You talk about androgynous men as feminine or effeminate. I have been tested as having a brain about 45 per cent female. To be androgynous is said to be between 40 and 60 per cent feminine. (There are other limits to be sure).
As much as i can understand i appear not as a feminine or effeminate man but i am submissive and can very easily adopt my behavior to the requirement of a Supreme Woman.
Hi Joanne.
The site was having problems for a while but I think it's fixed. Comments should work again. At the bottom of the articles you can comment pretty much like it works here.
Lucy, Good hub, I only wish there were more women like you who really accept men with feminine traits. Thank goodness my girlfirend does. I frequently wear panties and we often shop together for lingerie, however I dress like a man on the outside.
How come I can't can't seem to become a follower of your hubs? I follow Hope Alexander and I'd like to follow you, but I can't seem to find where to click to follow you.
No idea rjock. I think you have to click on my profile and then find it under one of the many options there.
Hi Lucy,
Just wanted to say how wonderful it was to come across someone with such similar views. I have read many articles about the subject I was delighted to read your views. I consider my self to be a confident, strong open minded woman who finds masculinity attractive like most. However I also have a great love for men who are in touch with the feminine side to the point where they dress as female. I feel more in tune with them and have much closer relationships which extend to one similar to two best friends. I have been with my current partner for over 4 years and love the fact that he makes as mush effort as most of us women do to maintain his appearance. This doesn’t mean to say I don’t want him to look handsome and there is noting more I enjoy then to see him dressed in a suit for those special occasion however at the same time, on day to day bases, I like him to look and ace feminine.
Hi Lucy
I have read almost all your hubs and I truly admire you. I am a crossdresser myself. I think you can certainly provide an answer to this strange thing I have noticed in women.Most of the women are comfortable with such crossdressing men who are not in relation to them. They even admire them. But they simply oppose crossdressing if the person is in relation to them i.e. their boyfriend, brother or husband.
Do you agree with it? If yes what do you think may be the reason behind it?
Hi shefalive,
I think lots of people are very closed minded. I can only say that for my part, crossdressing is a very positive thing in a partner or any other man. I don't know why some women are ok with it except for their boyfriends. Probably they have an image in their minds that the boyfriend has to match.
First I just wanted to say hello Lucy it's nice to hear a female oppinion on men like myself. Awhile back I read a book that was ment to try to help men understand how there wifes think (Can't recall the name) Anyway I do recall one thing it said "That women growing up learn to look at there father as the man or head of houshold." So when they go to look for a mate alot of times they look for a mate that they think or feel resembles there father. This I can relate to, my wife who I have been married to for almost 17yrs, makes comments to me all the time about how she thinks all guys should be that over bearing, hunting, tall dark and handsome type guy. Now as that relates to what I am saying here her father is a very tall man not big muscle mind you but your typical tall man, but he is in every sense of the word your tyipical "MAN" So when it comes to me she has a real hard time with the fact of who I am, cause lets face it im not what the world says is your tyipical male.
Hi scrappycoco,
thanks for the feedback. I think there is some truth in that. At least, I can say that I grew up with a very gentle father who let my mom make most of the decisions. I suppose that was what a man is to me.
I am a guy who has always enjoyed dressing up on occasion as a female. I have always thought that women have about 1,000 more ways and options to dress up. It is so obvious. Go into store and look at how many things women have compared to the men. Women can play more with hair (wigs), makeup, nails, lingerie, jewelry, accessories, shoes, dresses, skirts, etc. On and on. I am not bi or gay. I feel like a completely normal guy and do everything guys do in life. I think this is a way to express a feminine side of me that society does not allow us to do. I think that if women would see the fun in it and not blow a fuse, they would enjoy it too. More things to share. Think of it - why do women think it is a blast for a guy to dress up on Halloween and help him but if he does do it when not on Halloween they blow a fuse. Why should women see it different whether on Halloween or not it is still just having fun. Maybe because it is more acceptable on Halloween. When I dress up, it is my secret and I plan to keep it that way. In a relationship it can still be a secret. I am very open and enjoy the company of females. I am not one of those macho guys just trying to please himself and not care about the women's thoughts and needs. Women are fun to be around. I also enjoy going shopping with a woman to give opinions and help her to look her best as a woman. I enjoy pampering a woman also. I am a great guy and think that women should see the fun and benefits of us cross dressers. For me it is only a part time thing. I have a nice paying job and own investments. I am a guy most of the time. Women, give us a try. You may see the fun in it, like it and find a really nice guy to be with. If you are a woman and would like to contact me for any reason, you can reach me at XDress4Fun@aol.com
Hi Dennis, thanks for the comment.
I think there are several reasons behind women who don't care much for crossdressers. One is they don't know anything about it beyond what they've seen in the media (That was me years ago). The next is, they are very conformist and want something "normal" (these are the younger ones and it gets better as they grow up).
But the biggest reason is probably because so few men stand up for their right to do so. Most keep it secret or let their wives forbid them to crossdress. That way it stays a dirty little secret in society when it doesn't have to be. You can't change all men so they start doing what they want as opposed to only what is expected of them. But you can be like that yourself. See my article on how to tell your girlfriend that you crossdress.
Good luck Dennis.
Hi Lucy. I am a submissive male. I have tried and tried in many ways to let go of ego, image and male pride to be true towards my beliefs in total Female Supremacy, but by and large all females I meet are very turned off by a sissy male who wants to be a maid to a Superior female. Can you point to me in one place in particular and not some online "Dominatrix"site? I like the non-sexual realism of this chat I read here.
Hi Kerry,
You could try what they call "munches". From what I've heard they often have a healthy male-female ratio but since I've never been to one, I can't speak from experience.
I agree you probably won't have much luck on any paid sites that try to entice you with a lot of pictures and videos. Genuine dating sites maybe.
Otherwise the best thing is to just meet lots of real people and learn by doing. Most women or men wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who just wants to be a slave say and night. They exist but they are rare. But I'm sure you'll find many 'normal' women who are happy to take control to some degree.
Thank you for your comments. That is helpful. I have spent so many thousands of dollars on these professional types and it is never the real, sincere Superior, dominant type female. I have a fully and complete processional career, but strictly speaking, Lucy, my predilection for Female Superior goes deep and is complete. It is so deep and sincere, I could post this so openly to you.
Again, thank you and I would like to pay my respects from time to time, if possible.
Dear Lucy,
I came across your hub few days ago and was really thrilled by articles. It’s reassuring to meet someone who has looked at subject of femininity in men with such an open mind. You have tackled some issues which I hope will help make people more aware of the subject which can only people like my self.
I am a guy who has always been in touch with my feminine side. I don’t categorise my self as a CD, TV or TG as I belive everyone is different and also because my needs have evolved over time. I have changed from someone who had strong urges to dress as female, whist still being quite masculine and very afraid to show any femininity in my nature as a guy, to so someone who vary rarely dresses but at the same time is more feminine in everyday life. This is someone I have evolved into over time and I think it’s partly due to my friendship with more females then males. I have felt closer then ever before and my wife is now also my best friend.
I got married about 3 years ago and even at that stage, I would feel the need to dress but I didn’t tell my wife. Over the time we have been married; my wife discovered my feminine nature and encouraged this side of me. She encouraged me to ware little make-up from time to time in the way of gloss, foundation and so on. One day however she came across some pictures of me dressed but she still very shocked as she wasn’t expecting this. At first she thought I was having an affaire but as she looked at the pictures more closely, she noticed a mark on my arm and realised it was actually me. She was very upset as you can imagine.
Sine then, we have become more open and although I don’t dress fully, I incorporate feminine clothes and looks in my everyday social life. When we go out shopping, I often buy female jeans and tops and she encourage this. I think the thing that attracted me to her was in fact my feminine nature. She likes the fact we can go shopping together and share ideas.
I am very lucky to be able to express my female nature but it would not be fare on her to dress fully until she can understand and cope with whom I am. I also don’t feel the need as it is more important for me to express my feminine self in my everyday life.
It is refreshing to meet a woman like your self who can appreciate femininity in men and I would like to thank you for writing such interesting articles. I look forward to reading more. I particularly like the sentence “As I wrote before, I even love them to wear women's clothes once in a while.”
Love Riz x
I am new in your organisation, i love this article,
many thank's, I appreciate a lot that you think;
Love, juliette
Many men who are in touch with their feminine side are not gay, and they are looking for women for relationships.These women unfortunately are very rare.I find women incredibly desireable and also have the desire to emulate them as much as I'm allowed to.
I'm atracted to gays and I don't know why..I'm completely straight like I wouldn't even kiss a woman I like penis but I don't know there must be something beautiful about the guy I'm atracted to I also like skinny boys and I'm not turned on by juicebags at all.
Hi sugga,
who knows why we're attracted to certain types? Certainly I can relate to being attracted to beautiful guys.
I know this is old, but I just wanted to say that your taste in men sounds EXACTLY like mine. Some people think it's weird that I love feminine guys though.
Hi Meh22,
threads like this get revived once in a while and eventually I read all the comments that come here.
I know it can be difficult having a deviant taste but it's also a lot of fun!
Dearest Lucy83,I have just read your articles and they are wonderful.As you can tell by my screen name I love Women and am very into Female Superiorty.I find Women to be Queens and worship all of you.I love my feminine side and exibit it as much as possible.I can hardly wait to read more!Love you and all Ladies.Femforever,silkysissy
I scare a lot of women off because I'm too masculine for them. Most of the women where I live are femi-libs who date wimpified males. I wear cowboy boots and a rebel flag hat, I like whiskey and country music, I drive a pickup truck, I own lots of guns, and I have a Grizzly Adams beard. If I find me a lady I know she'll be a real woman, if not, I'm fine with that too.
Hello lucy and thanx for your post:). Im one of those guys you are talking about and it,s nice to know there are women like you who not only can tolerate us but actually love us as well.I,m a preppy laptop starbucks motorscooter kind of guy. I sang close to you by karen carpenter at kareoke one night and there were a few blue collar type rugged women who really took notice. Again thanks lucy i love MASCULINE WOMEN!
My greatest desire is to be able to live my life as freely and open as I do when I am at home; enjoying the full expression of my femininity. My deepest fear is that I will be caught in the full expression of my femininity. As best as I can determine, this is the real definition of having my panties in a wad.
Yuck no I have a lot of estrogen and need testosterone. I like them manly and old fashioned preferably Southern. There are so many girly guys in Denver. I'm glad someone wants them. Personally I dont want a guy who cannot wear the pants but to each his own and I love that you aren't afraid to proclaim it! You should move here you would be in hog heaven!
Sugaaa
you can prefer whatever you want but I do not tolerate such denigration of minorities - especially oppressed minorities. If you think I'm overreacting then simply imagine your first comment was referring to black people.
Joannne 20 months ago
Hi Lucy. Glad you posted some new hubs here too. I haven't figured out how to comment on your other site.